if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
