Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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