just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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