**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
This gyro tastes like lonliness
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
So much rum. So many feels.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
