paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.