my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
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6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
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I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.