So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off