Can I ask u a weird question?
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
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Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
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don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick