I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
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i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
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Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now