I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm too high and old for this...
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
