My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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