he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
