fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
It's rum buckets o'clock
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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