The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
