Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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