So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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