you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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