my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
