I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
