At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
dude i'm inner monologue high
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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