6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Too much gin, very little bucket
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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