those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
