Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
