Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Randomize
