You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
