the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I will be naked everywhere
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
