Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
