Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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