She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
We don't watch enough power rangers
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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