Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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