I just pynch a tree in the face
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
