I showed him my bush... on skype.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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