I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Dick very happy bro
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
