I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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