you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Randomize
