Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
