She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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