Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
