"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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