yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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