We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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