I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
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