Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I am puke
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
