So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
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I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
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