Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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