maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
