i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
