god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
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I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
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Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
God, I missed his penis.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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