you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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