Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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