Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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