I accidentally had phone sex last night
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
