They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
