two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Randomize
