I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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