guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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