Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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