i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
