I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
i need some magic done to my vagina
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
