I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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