does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
