The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
